Look at you… delicate and graceful, like a gazelle prancing on the plains of Africa... no wait that's a prey animal... you... uh... are more like the cheetah... yeah the cheetah! You are sleek and powerful, built for action. Surveying your next tasty meal from the shaded branch of a tree, if only that wierd National Geographic guy trying to hide in the bushes with the telescopic lens would stop staring at you. Seriously who stares at someone like that it's just so impolite, maybe there's something wrong with him, like he failed in life and now has to suffer the indignity of laying in the dirt under the hot sun for hours on end like some simpleton.
Anyway. NAPKINS. That's what you are here for and that's what we provide. To the unending glory of the perfect napkin!
…or something like that.